I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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