All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
