she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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