People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
