i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
