I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
