Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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