I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
