I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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