He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
