Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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