ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
