no. you can't hotbox the world.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
