My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
