Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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