I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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