Michael Bay diarrhea
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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