it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
