your thong is hanging out like whoa
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
