I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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