guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize