where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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