Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize