Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Did I show you my penis last night?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
