Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
