I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize