She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
