She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
