So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
