I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
