I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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