I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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