You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
