Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My cat gives me a boner
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
