you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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