I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I could fuck to npr.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
