And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize