Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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