you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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