so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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