I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
