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fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
