you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
