gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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