Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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