my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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