Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
