ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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