My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
