There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
