these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
