ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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