apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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