Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
