3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize