The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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