i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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