What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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