I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
