yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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