Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
this hospital has no fireball
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
