guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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