the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
